The following is a story from my week of silence, if you just stumbled upon this randomly, click here for more of an explanation!
On day one, after the wool store encounter, I went home to do some work and procrastination. However later that night I went to hang out at a friend’s house and play geeky games. This resulted in the first time long term testing of the week of silence, as well as the first of several slip ups.
The slip ups over the course of the week usually occurred if
I forgot the silence, if I was tired, or if it was a really awkward situation
(more on THAT one later!). The first official slip up occurred on the bus.
It was a bus going towards downtown and, consequently, that
meant it was packed to the seams. I couldn’t take a seat (well, technically I
could, but I’m pretty sure it was covered in beer… at least I hope it was beer…).
Anyway, I was standing up against the wall holding one of those super slippery
hand holds. The bus was careening doing
the road at top speed, with everyone slipping and sliding everywhere, as per
normal.
Now, I’ve ridden the bus long enough that a sudden brake usually
doesn’t throw me off. But since I was using one of those stupid handholds I
didn’t quite have my balance as normal. Consequentially, when the bus stopped
for a light suddenly, I toppled forward into a nice blond lady. Before thinking
about it, I blurted out a hurried “SORRY! Sorry!”
Crap!
I mean, I had the best intentions; I wanted to make sure the
poor lady was ok after my clumsy self banged into her. But still, the first
time slipping up stings, even if it’s for gratitude. The lady smiled and said
that it was all right; I nodded back to her but still felt a little bothered by
my small lapse. I knew I had to be more on the ball with my responses in the
coming week, to make sure I wouldn’t slip up again!
Annnnnd yet, the second slip up happened not 20 minutes
later.
Having left the bus, I started to walk to my friends, about
15 minutes from the stop. Along the way you have to cross a highway. I was
waiting for the walk sign to come on when a friendly old man came up to me on a
bike.
“Got to get my exercise in somehow,” he smiled at me “I hate
that diesel smell!”
I smiled and nodded at him, hoping he wouldn’t want to chat.
“You from around here?”
I nodded yes.
“It’s a hard area for biking, but worth it for your legs!”
I kept trying to nod, but he wasn’t really looking at me,
more concentrated on getting of his bike. I didn’t want to seem rude by not carrying
on the conversation, but I really didn’t want to break my silence after just slipping up!
“Don’t you think?”
Feeling overwhelmed with his insistence, I popped internally
and squeaked out a small “Yeah.”
Double Crap!
Well, the man seemed happy anyway At this point, the walk
light came on and he jogged across the intersection with his bike and a “Have a good day!” I
waved back feebly while internally smacking myself on the head. Couldn’t I have
found some other way of communicating to him without speaking? That’s the whole
point of this endeavour isn’t it? Testing and trying a new form of
communication? But I can’t do that if I’m too scared to actually try it!
Mentally berating myself the whole way, I eventually made it to my friend’s
house.
Here’s where things turned around. As I walked into my friend’s
house, I was greeted with a great big hug and smile. She had read my initial
blog post about not speaking, and was all for it! All my other friends who were
there were also super into it, finding it really cool and interesting. The ones
who hadn’t read the blog were filled in, and everyone settled down into the
usual routine of geeky debates, shows and games.
Having this reception of excitement and intrigue gave me an
instant boost of confidence. I might
actually be able to do this, I thought. And, indeed, over the course of the
evening, it got progressively easier to communicate without talking. At first
it was a little difficult not being able to participate in the conversations
that really interested me, but I found some posted notes in my purse which made
it much easier. As the group found it hard to decipher my writing (fair, it
does suck), one of the guys eventually pulled out his laptop for me to type
with, making communication even faster! The evening passed by as customarily as
it could for me being a mute, it almost became the norm.
Almost.
I had been there a couple of hours when some of the guys
started debating sword play. One of the guys pulled out his wooden practice
swords and suggested that they go out and spar for a bit. I thought this was
really cool, so I went out to watch. Myself and another friend watched and took
notes as they sparred, it was really quite interesting. I was very engrossed and
didn’t think when I heard someone call my name behind me. Not paying attention
I whirled around with a quick “Yeah?”
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccc-
I was doing so well! I actually had thought I wouldn’t slip
up for at least the rest of the day! But one lapse of attention drew me right
back to square one. My friend heard my yeah and raised her eyebrow as I facepalmed
and shrugged. She shrugged as well and beckoned me in for hot peanut butter
cookies (yum!). The evening progressed and I was more diligent to make sure I
didn’t speak even when I was caught off guard.
I realized as I walked home that having the computer there
for easy communication was what probably lead me to lose a bit of my diligence.
The computer allowed me to communicate almost as fast as I could talking. Also,
it was a bit distracting from the actual purpose of the silent vow, as I was
once again concentrating on what I was going to say as opposed to listening to the actual
conversation and meaning.
Still, as far as first days go, I wasn’t too disappointed. I
had done relatively well for being unprepared and unaware that this was going
to happen when I woke up that morning. I was starting to realize how I normally
used language by my slip ups, as well as what tools would aide and hinder in my
quest the most. I also had already learned a lot more about group dynamics
more than I would have if I was in the conversation as normal. Having my
friends react so well to the challenge definitely helped me get through the
day, and I’m super grateful for that.
Overall, it wasn’t the best of first days, but it could have
been much worse! I went to bed feeling cheerful, and not knowing that one of
the hardest challenges was about to present itself the next day…
Stay tuned for more stories of silence throughout the coming
weeks!
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